On April 20th, I was a guest on Inside the Black Box, a science-themed radio show produced at Georgia Tech. Well, they have archived the show, which makes me very happy, because now I get to hear myself speak, which as you can imagine is something I enjoy immensely! Also, I am dying to know if they kept in a calculus joke I made that they thought might be too dirty for the archives. I know! I can make calculus positively obscene!
I was recently accused of having never done anything for my country. This may be true. As an English teacher, it’s often difficult to take my peculiar skill set out into the real world, what with the decadent lifestyle of a professor at a Research 1 institution like mine. When you are a member of power-elite like me, dropping nuggets of wisdom like so many water balloons from the pinnacle of my ivory tower, you wonder, “How can I make a difference? I mean a real difference in the lives of the little, unimportant people? One that they’ll have a chance of understanding?” It’s tough, let me tell you.
Then it hit me. The Internet is a vast repository of unreadable prose and poetry. Surely I could ply my trade to make the Internet just a little bit more pleasant. With that in mind, I knew exactly where I could make the most difference–the public forums of Alex Jones’ Prison Planet. And there it was, a whole world just begging for me to improve it. My first effort is for a poem called “Stand.”
“Andy Warhol said that everyone gets 15 minutes of fame. Well, with the coming of high speed processors and fiber optics, we’ve gotten that down to .15 millisecond…”
“I dawned upon Atlanta today. Unfortunately, Atlanta is on the arctic circle, and it’s the winter solstice…”
“Wait, was that me? I couldn’t tell. I didn’t get a good enough look…”
Just some of the possible ways I could have started this post. Yep, I was on the TV for like 6 seconds. (Shakes my head.) I am actually glad that I pause and stutter when I speak because because it, like, doubled my face time. It was an interview about the Georgia Guidestones. The interview was about 20 minutes or so.
Yeah. It’s come to this. Writing about Ghost Hunters slash-fic. The “slash” does not mean that they finally met a ghost who was capable of carving them up. (Man, I’d totally record that episode.) It is a pairing of two characters in a TV show or movie and then making them have sex with each other. Want Kermit and Miss Piggy to get it on? Think that Shaggy and Scooby could build a relationship on something more than Scooby-Snax? Hell, you could even have Marge Simpson do it with the Church Lady. The possibilities are endless, and with your imagination and access to the Internet you can not only make it happen but also traumatize strangers!
It feels like Jason is looming over him, menacing and Grant gets the strangest feeling that Jason is pissed, maybe wants to hurt him, and he tries to get a hold of himself, because it’s just Jason. His friend. He’s pissed, yeah, but not at him. Grant forgets, and takes another deep breath and holds it for a second even though that means they’re pressed against each other again. He lets it out slowly and he doesn’t think, he just does what feels right, and melts back against the wall and lets his head tilt to the side. And Jason just sort of goes with him, pressing him back and nosing at his cheek, a touch so soft Grant barely feels it. Jason whispers, “Grant” and sighs, and Grant thinks Jason is smelling his neck.
Two words: Neck odor. Sexy!
The comments are even better:
“ever since i started watching ghost hunters, i’ve always wanted to write some jason/grant. they are just too in love. <3333333”
But equally, no, even more disturbing is Tango/Steve fic (from Tango’s POV):
It’s too easy just to lean a little closer, brushing my mouth against his. One of us pushes harder, adding more pressure. I’m not sure which of us did it, but then Steve is kissing me hard, pushing me back until my back bumps up against a wall. His hands flit around me, either unsure of where to settle or unable to decide which part of me to hold on to.
His neck. Grab his neck with both hands and squeeze hard.
Of course, if you are gunning for actual throw-up, I recommend dwelling on the idea behind this image. In the end, they both look a little too much like Nintendo characters for me to take too seriously.
“Can I say, ‘I love you’ without implying that I want to marry you and bear your children through weird future-science?” Sergey panted mindlessly as he felt the squishy flesh giving at the back of Ryan’s throat to accommodate his member.
And this makes me wonder….is there Deadliest Catch slash fic? Dirty Jobs slash (gag) fic (“This time Barsky has to shave more than his head…”; aka, “Splendor in the Pooh”)? 60 Minutes slash fic?
Plowed Clouds reports that HAARP closed down its website, apparently realizing that they had been blowing all of their war- and weather-inducing schemes by publishing them to a website. I simply do not believe that The Age of Reason is one of her favorite books. Do read the list of her favorite sites, btw. Wow.
A proposal to tax people who drive the most sends technophobes into a tizzy. Of course, it seems the proposal would only track how far someone drove, not, you know, relay their information to a directed energy weapon satellite in orbit.
The number of Birthers is down following the release of the birth certificate, says Rolling Stone. Remember when Obama released his birth certificate? Seems like years ago.
Images from the compound where OBL was killed, if you flip through them to the bloody ones (and they are graphic), reveal that one of the men is lying on what appears to be a water pistol. I can’t wait to see the conspiracy theories that come out of that one.
Daily Mail says that Zawahari may have been responsible for tipping off the US with this something-other-than-confidence inspiring opener: “Osama Bin Laden’s deputy led U.S. troops to the Al Qaeda leader’s hideout so he could take over the terrorist group, it was claimed today.” Damn you, passive voice!
Prince William and Kate Middleton demonstrated their blood lust and newfound birth into the Illuminati on April 29, 2011.[…] My suspicions were first aroused when I looked at the date of the wedding. The date is April 29, 2011. Or remove the april 2 and the 20 and you get 9, 11 or as the cabal who lead the new world order would say 9/11. Personally I watched this wedding so I know what the real deal is since it was broadcast live. My evidence that I have unearthed through my research fully supports my claim that Prince William and Kate Middleton sought the head of Bin Laden to be procured for them as a honeymoon gift from the Illuminati so they could baptise themselves into the Illuminati by drinking the blood of the innocent from the rotting skull of Bin Laden as a blood oath of allegiance and unswerving obedience to their overlords.
After missing an opportunity to be in this morning’s Washington Post, I moped all the way to campus. I had sad coffee and dined mightily on the bagel of despair.
Then I got a personal message from the BBC World Service. They wanted a blogger to discuss Osama death conspiracy theories. So, for an hour, or so, I was on the radio on the show World Have Your Say. About a half hour into the show (you don’t hear it), the producer came in on the Skype call and asked me to be on the Africa version of the show, another 15 minutes of recording.
Honestly, they did not need me. Their host was more than well enough equipped to challenge conspiracy theories, and he did so quite well.
Very, very cool. Hear that tooting? That’s my own horn.
And, by the way, why didn’t anyone tell me that I stutter and sigh a lot?
This…makes me very, very happy. The President was awesome and puts the nutter creep in his place:
And then there was Seth Myers, who was not restrained in any way by anything like nicety. Which was awesome:
Ah! That was just exquisite! I have always had qualms about the mingling of press and President at this affair (which Colbert addressed in his speech a few years ago), but perhaps there is something potentially redeeming about the affair after all.
Nothing related to conspiracy theories happened all week. Well, except that I have been receiving messages from the New World Order through old Monty Python episodes. Other than that, nothing conspiracy related has happened. Except that Obama released the birth certificate.
I’ll let Stephen Colbert have the last word on the birth certificate, which is spoken like a true Birther: “That birth certificate is a total fake! How could the paper be green? I’m pretty sure everything was in black & white back then.”
A few weeks ago, I received a little bit of criticism for linking conspiratorial thought to 2nd Amendment activists. Of course, the link was already there.
Sirhan Sirhan, who previously said he can’t remember anything about shooting Bobby Kennedy, under hypnosis (sigh), remembers all the conspiracy theories that sprang up around him. I don’t know why his lawyers are doing this, since evidence retrieved under hypnosis is not admissible in court. Of course, the wackosphere takes this as evidence of mind control.
A new 30-part youtube documentary finally identifies the REAL 9/11 terrorists. Jews. If you have 3 hours and hate yourself, I strongly recommend it.
Posted by Bob 
Skeptical Humanities 