Like Douglass MacArthur, I have returned. Unlike MacArthur, I bring with me the best in conspiracy. We could go on for a few hours about the wild-assed speculation about events in Egypt. Personally, I think that the withered, gnarly hands of the pharaohs are behind them, but we’re going to sidestep that for now.
- Is Tiger Woods a black Manchurian candidate? (No. Really. No.)
- Totally cracked host of Conspiracy Theory Jesse Ventura, who just announced that he was no longer flying because of the new TSA scanner/fondle-fest, is suing the TSA.
- Obama’s SOTU according to The Onion: “But together, with the exception of those 9/11 conspiracy theory freaks, we can answer history’s call and lay the foundation for future generations.”
- Also from The Onion: “Paranoid Duck Convinced CIA Killing Off US Bird Population.”
- It was a good week for 9/11 conspiracy theories, now that we mention it. I thought I had heard them all, but these take the taco. First is the hypothesis, will be tested in court, that P-Diddy (is that still his name?) knocked over the WTC. There’s a $900 billion lawsuit alleging that he did (+$100 billion for loss of income, of course).
- Hawaii proposes a stupid tax. Can you imagine the cash we’d raise if we could tax stupid? (*shiver*)
- Korey Rowe, co-producer of Loose Change, was arrested for selling 7 packets of heroin to the police.
- News flash: FEMA prepares for disaster. I grew up on the New Madrid fault line. It’s well-known that it is going to shake again and shake big. From memory, gigantic earthquakes take place every 100 years or so (which obviously means you don’t need HAARP to have an earthquake there).
- In a single post, Joe Mercola manages to illustrate that there is no field of study he cannot fail to not master, including astronomy, geology, weapons engineering, meteorology, public policy, earth and atmospheric sciences, genetics, ecology, agronomy, hydrology, toxicology, physics, and geography. And don’t get me started about his grasp of medicine!
- Alex Jones invents the letter V. He might as well be declaring war on leprechauns, no matter where they are hiding.
- Above Top Secret asks, “What does this new Air Force commercial mean?” I’m going to take a wild stab at it and suggest, “Join the Air Force.”
- The Canada Free Press fumbles it again. This time, they rail against the 14th Amendment. You know, the one about due process and making black people citizens. Also, if it were repealed, people who had participated in the “Insurrection” against the Union would be able to hold public office without a 2/3 majority of both houses of Congress. That’s not an America I want to live in.
- When a lot of cops get shot, many readers of ATS get a little tingle in their trousers.
- Stephen Fry sent this to his twitterites, where a satirical stab at the international gay agenda introduces me to the word “Homintern.” A good read, throughout, and a good commentary.
- Bill Clinton sort of admits we’re all going to be eaten by aliens. Or not. (Hint: It’s a cookbook!)
- Death of 200 cows explained. Turns out it was Satanic aliens.
Conspiracy Theory of the Week:
- Did Nixon, Reagan, and Stephen King assassinate John Lennon? Aside from means, motive, and opportunity, it seems entirely possible.