This Week in Conspiracy (23 April 2012)

Technically, it will be “These Last Few Weeks and a Bit in Conspiracy,” but who’s keeping score, really?

It is of course well known that careless talk costs lives, but the full scale of the problem is not always appreciated.

For instance, at the very moment that Arthur said “I seem to be having tremendous difficulty with my lifestyle,” a freak wormhole opened up in the fabric of the space-time continuum and carried his words far far back in time across almost infinite reaches of space to a distant Galaxy where strange and warlike beings were poised on the brink of frightful interstellar battle.

The two opposing leaders were meeting for the last time.

A dreadful silence fell across the conference table as the commander of the Vl’hurgs, resplendent in his black jewelled battle shorts, gazed levelly at the G’Gugvuntt leader squatting opposite him in a cloud of green sweet-smelling steam, and, with a million sleek and horribly beweaponed star cruisers poised to unleash electric death at his single word of command, challenged the vile creature to take back what it had said about his mother.

The creature stirred in his sickly broiling vapour, and at that very moment the words I seem to be having tremendous difficulty with my lifestyle drifted across the conference table.

Unfortunately, in the Vl’hurg tongue this was the most dreadful insult imaginable, and there was nothing for it but to wage terrible war for centuries.

Eventually of course, after their Galaxy had been decimated over a few thousand years, it was realized that the whole thing had been a ghastly mistake, and so the two opposing battle fleets settled their few remaining differences in order to launch a joint attack on our own Galaxy – now positively identified as the source of the offending remark.

For thousands more years the mighty ships tore across the empty wastes of space and finally dived screaming on to the first planet they came across – which happened to be the Earth – where due to a terrible miscalculation of scale the entire battle fleet was accidentally swallowed by a small dog.

Those who study the complex interplay of cause and effect in the history of the Universe say that this sort of thing is going on all the time, but that we are powerless to prevent it.

“It’s just life,” they say.

Twit of the Week:

Paul of Paul and Storm had a good tweet this week:

Paul and Storm ‏ @paulandstorm

[P] In honor of today’s anniversary of Project MKULTRA, I’m going to secretly feed my family LSD-laced tacos.

The twerpiest tweet of the week won not only because of the horrific violation of the laws of logic the tweet embodies, but also because the article talks at some length about how Anders Breivik told the court how he did it all alone. TURN ON YOUR THINKER, DUDE!

We are speeding into the last weeks of classes right now, and I have a couple of little projects in the works. You will hear of them soon, I am sure.

Muahahaha, as they say.


6 Responses to This Week in Conspiracy (23 April 2012)

  1. Pacal says:

    I’ve seen JFK a number of times and I think as a movie it is excellent. It is well filmed and acted. So I did enjoy watching the film.

    However I do realize the Oliver Stone did the movie to propagandize for various fanciful conspiracy theories and as history the film is a disaster. Now usually Hollywood murders history for the purpose of entertainment but in this case history was murdered to sell woo and not just entertain.

    What I found particularily rehensible about the movie was the way it vilified Clay Shaw. The film never missed a chance to make Clay Shaw a poisonous snake. Clay Shaw in the movie is positively reptillian in his evil.

    Of course in real life Jim Garrison’s vicious and spectacularily abusive prosecution of Clay Shaw was a travesty of justice, which probably hastened Clay Shaw’s death. Only Shaw’s death stopped his libel suit against Garrison. This enabled Garrison to assasinate Clay Shaw’s character in his book and later for Oliver Stone to further stab the knife in the back in his movie.

    I wonder if this movie will cover Garrison’s prosecutorial abuse of Shaw? AS it it is it would all by itself make a very good movie.

    • Bob says:

      The recreations were great. The Mr X Thing (or “Professor Plot Point” bit), though, was inexcusable. I liked the fact that they had Garrison appear as Chief Justice Warren, though, which cracked me up.

  2. Pacal says:

    I forgot to mention the Grey Alien stuff you linked to was a riot. The simlarities of this sort of thing with the Witch Craze are compelling. It is often fogotton that many “Witches” were not tortured but voluntarily came forward with bizarre tales of being abducted and taken to Witches Sabbats were elaborate rituals took place along with having sex with Demons and or Satan and giving birth to Babies who were sacrificied. What was also prevalent was belief in a vast network of various secret organizations manipulating people. In this case the aliens are very much like the Demonic hordews led by Satan who abduct and manipulate humanity for various purposwes. Oh and they sexually interfere with humans.

    When I read the piece I was temped to think parody / satire because it was so inane. Sadly it appears that the author thinks this sort of delusion is for real.

  3. herbschaffler says:

    Does anybody know of any skeptical critiques of the new JFK conspiracy book, “Mary’s Mosaic”?

  4. tulisa says:

    Its $4 on amazon herbschaffler i seen it the other day

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