Just got back from Alabama (no banjo on my knee), where Eve was giving a talk about creationist interpretations of Beowulf to the Alabama Freethinkers. It was a rollicking good time prefaced by a spicy sausage potluck.
It was a rather slow week for conspiracy, truth be told. I saw a lot of leftover speculation about Whitney Houston’s death, all of which was as dull as it was predictable. Don’t try to confuse us, conspiracy theorists. We know that she is living in Bahrain with Michael Jackson, away from the prying eyes of the world.
- First, a heap of irony from Joe Mercola, who plays doctor on the Internet, and not in a fun way: “This Revolting Practice Targets Poor Unsuspecting People First – And You Next.” Do you mean suggesting that Dow and Monsanto are trying to poison your food with Agent Orange? Selling people sham veterinary advice about persistently undefined “toxins”? Or suggesting that root canals cause cancer, which, like you actually did this week, with the headline: “97% of Terminal Cancer Patients Previously Had This Dental Procedure…“? (By your logic, because 100% of cancer patients have had haircuts, haircuts are linked to cancer.) Or is it the completely cynical statement at the bottom of your page that you think will somehow cover you when someone you hurt sues you: “The information on this website is not intended to replace a one-on-one relationship with a qualified health care professional and is not intended as medical advice.” How could anyone mistake a “how to” article for advice? You people make me so sad.
- From the awful to the awfully funny: Alfred Lambremont Webre at Exopolitics turns the goof up to eleven week: “Four U.S. exotic black ops used in 9/11: Tesla time travel, antigravity UFO, directed energy weapons, mini-nukes.”
- A river in Beirut, says Before It’s News, has mysteriously turned red. This, of course, means that Pharaoh is in for heap of hurtin’ or that a company dumped a large amount of dye into the river.
- Why don’t THEY want you to know about Nikola Tesla’s accomplishments? Well, it’s clearly just the greatest conspiracy of all time.
- “Are HAARP’s high frequency waves driving people crazy?” asks BIN. “Not unless you can hear microwaves, ding-a-ling,” reply scientists.
- Homeopath declares a war on the “war on cancer cures”. Fight fire with water, eh wot?
- Henry Makow (Satanic-Illuminati-feminist media guy) goes after Jeff “I Already Believe It” Rense. Scraps of flesh go flying like a ticker tape parade when the claws come out! (From Raymond Wiley.)
- Sherrif Joe Arpaio: Total embarrassment. I can’t believe this little tough is still a public servant.
- Ed Asner has been briefed by SEALs about the upcoming false flag attack to get into a war with Iran. Did he see Victoria Jackson there?
- Immortals walk among us!
- This was a fun one, “ET mummy found in Egypt,” reads the headline, but the first picture you see is of Zahi Hawass! Yeah, the dude’s from another planet, but c’mon! (Actually, the images that they have are lovely examples of pareidolia, which I may use in future classes.
- Oh, Intel Hub. They sort of freaked out when they read that 9/11 Truthers were to be considered possible terrorists, as did most alternate-reality media. Let me explain. No one weird belief, like 9/11 Trutherism, is enough to put anyone on a watch list. However, large clusters of strange, prosecutorial beliefs in individuals or groups can indicate that something is in fact wrong. You will never be rounded up, guys. Really. You are totally safe. If that happens, I’ll be the first to try to get you out. But I’m not worried.
- Here is Kitty Werthmann’s own little Valentine’s day love letter to America: “25 Signs That The Nazification Of America Is Almost Complete.”
- The Daily Paul links Rick Santorum to the Penn State scandal. Ach. A pox on both your houses. And don’t you make me defend that former senator.
- I’m filing this one under “O” for “Oh, Jeez.” Rick Santorum: Member of the Knights of Malta.
- Researchers link Morgellons (delusional parasitosis by any other name would itch as much!) to a slime mold, says guy on Internet. A few weeks ago, by the way, the CDC released a comprehensive study of this “unexplained dermopathy” and found bupkis.
- From TPM comes, “A ‘Sovereign Citizen’ Sues Prosecutors For Grammar-Based Conspiracy.” (Does the lusting for power of English teachers know no end?!?) This sounded familiar, and, yes, this is the same conspiracy that Jared Loughner, who shot Gabrielle Giffords, endorsed.
- From Mike Adams’ site, with its usual lack of nuance and comprehension, comes the “Arrogant doctors refusing to provide health care services to parents who refuse vaccines.” You know, doctors agonize over this, but the problem comes with inviting someone who may be sick with a highly communicable disease, like measles, to sit in their waiting room with other patients who may have weakened immune systems.
- Speaking of antivaccine cranks, Meryl Dorey, according to Reasonable Hank, Godwinned herself pretty hard this week. I loved her defense: “I wasn’t comparing myself to the freedom fighters–I was comparing you to the Nazis and Brownshirts.”
- Also, in antivax news, Jenny McCarthy is going to get a show on VH1. Here’s who you contact to let them know that 96 million households deserve better:
New York, NY 10036
- FoxNews: Left’s preoccupation with contraception (?) is about getting rid of the poor. It’s a variation on a theme.
- Rick Santorum says that Satan has infiltrated academia.
- This week, contraceptive was on the agenda as well. Of course, now some daft GOPper is saying that the pill has been linked to prostate cancer.
- Alex Jones’s fill-in takes it up a notch, claiming that Bohemian Grove is a secret gay resort.
- Contrary to what many conspiracy theorists seem to believe, it is very difficult to know what is going on inside someone else’s head. Sometimes, intent to cause harm can only be indicated indirectly, which is why the Intel Hub’s report on how the FBI routinely sets up patsies…for some reason…rings as false as vows of celibacy in the French marriage rite. (With apologies to Blackadder.)
Conspiracy theory item of the week:
This is more of a conspiracy than theory, but the documents leaked from the Heartland Institute suggest that they are actively seeking to discredit the science of global warming, over which there has long since ceased to be debate among knowledgeable experts. I thought this might get picked up by Science Friday this week, but alas! Maybe next week, because this is important.
Conspiracy Theory of the Week:
This week’s winner came from Weird Al Yankovic, who I know from going to one of his shows can totally rock a peacock outfit:
Al Yankovic @alyankovic:
Why do they not make urinal PIES? #CakeConspiracy
Please sign the Weird Al at the Superbowl Half-Time Show Petition. I would actually watch the Superbowl again. The NFL needs to make this happen. I don’t do a lot of advocacy, but this is the defining issue of my generation.
That’s it for now. I’m working on a write-up about a pretty nifty little topic. I hope to have it ready in the next week or so.