I sit here a sparrowfart away from death, but not even my impending demise will stop me from bringing you another week in conspiracy.
- Libertarian punchline Ron Paul wins the national election of Twitterlandia!
- Ben Radford on 9/11 conspiracies.
- Ben Radford and Brian Dunning in a tag-team knock-down cage-match against the New World Order at the Denver International Airport.
- Colbert went to the Denver Airport about a month ago or so. Here’s what he came back with. I’m not embedding it because I want you to look at the comments, which are always fun.
- Korn: “Obama is an Illuminati puppet.” Thank you, Korn.
- Vein scanners and the cashless society of doom.
- The satanic panic is alive and well in Missouri.
- Truthers can’t learn things. Take this response to Skeptic Magazine at AE911Truth.
- The vaccination conspiracy is bigger than we all thought. Now HALLMARK is in on it. Check out the big copyright violation on Mike Adams’ site, by the way.
- The only thing this could possibly be is a spaceship the size of Mercury.
- I don’t know if Stephen Hawking said this, but I like to think he did.
- Just because you can’t prove the Illuminati exist doesn’t mean you can’t sue them.
- This is the week that the federal gummit started activating the FEMA death camps. I want a cell with a window! And wifi! And not too close to Alex Jones’s!
- Eric Idle, writing in the New Yorker, makes me very happy:
While it is perfectly obvious to everyone that Ben Jonson wrote all of Shakespeare’s plays, it is less known that Ben Jonson’s plays were written by a teen-age girl in Sunderland, who mysteriously disappeared, leaving no trace of her existence, which is clear proof that she wrote them. The plays of Marlowe were actually written by a chambermaid named Marlene, who faked her own orgasm, and then her own death in a Deptford tavern brawl. Queen Elizabeth, who was obviously a man, conspired to have Shakespeare named as the author of his plays, because how could a man who had only a grammar-school education and spoke Latin and a little Greek possibly have written something as bad as “All’s Well That Ends Well”? It makes no sense. It was obviously an upper-class twit who wished to disguise his identity so that Vanessa Redgrave could get a job in her old age.
- Weather experiments in the Cold War. I think this is legit, if goofy.
- Ancient Chinese secret: ALIENS!!!
- Wanna see something funny/depressing? Worst. Trailer. Ever.
- Ridley Scott’s upcoming movie will be inspired by von Daniken.
- How not to do research: deliberately look for the least relevant search results. It’s like search de-optimization.
- How not to think: explain one unknown with another unknown. This time, light-balls in the sky are caused by covert technology.
- A meeting of the minds. David Icke and Luke Rudkowski.
- This conspiracy tweet’s pretty meta:
My fave Pak conspiracy theory was from a respected journo: “But who is behind the theory about Pakistanis loving conspiracy theories?” @jemima_khan
- Vigilant Citizen freaks out about…wait for it…the opening sequence to Poland’s Next Top Model. It’s done in an Alice in Wonderland motif, which means that Lewis Carroll must have been in on the Illuminati takeover of the entertainment industry. Sneaky Illuminati.
- There will always be Pearl Harbor conspiracy theories. Actually, the most interesting ones are the ones from the day, the ones that had Hitler controlling the Japanese, because, clearly, such an adorable little race of savages could not pull off something so complicated. Sigh.
- Supreme Court sez: “Obama’s not eligible to be president.”
- Why does the Pentagon want to destroy the “god gene” with viruses? (Seems to me I’ve seen this set before. My guess: someone is staging bullshit in a college classroom.)
- Ah! Get the posse comitatus stupid off of me!!! It burns!!!!
- Oh noes! Our sun is dying. Because its core is shrinking….yeah.
- Yay! The good ol’ Voynich manuscript code has been cracked…again!
- A nifty review of The Prague Cemetery by Jewish World.
- An A+ for this title, Salon: “The Infantile Style in American Politics.”
Conspiracy Theory of the Week:
This is not really a conspiracy theory of the week. It just needed to be sectioned off from the rest of the round-up. You see, Luke Rudkowski went to the dentist. He was a sexist, horrid, pig-ignorant prick at all points:
- LukeRudkowski: dentist was dumb but she was cute and for some strange reason was rubbing her boobs in my face. awkward, did that ever happen to anyone Original Tweet: http://twitter.com/LukeRudkowski/status/144181007602561026
- LukeRudkowski: the dentist tried to tell me that mercury is not bad for me, i told her to break a mercury thermometer and put it her month Original Tweet: http://twitter.com/LukeRudkowski/status/144178571911495681
- Luke Rudkowski Been radiated 14 times by this 1970s looking Machine. Anyway i can avoid it twitpic.com/7pfjco2 minutes ago
- mrthatguydude Dave @LukeRudkowski twitpic.com/7pf6t4 – 10x the mind control. 25 minutes ago Retweeted by LukeRudkowski
- LukeRudkowski Starting to think the dential industry is apart of the nwo eugenics plan. Lol but seriously radiation mercury and fluoride wtf 22 minutes ago
- LukeRudkowski Luke Rudkowski Not a good sight when your sitting in a dentists chair twitpic.com/7pf6t4 30 minutes ago
Yeah, I’m sure she wanted to get with the tinfoil wearing man-pig in her chair. LOL.