Dr. Hovind, Meet Dr. Whitey-Cat

It’s a happy day here at Skeptical Humanities. You see, my cat Jesse has received his doctorate from the prestigious Thunderwood College.

Jesse’s qualifications were so impressive that Thunderwood gave him the degree without even requesting that he write a dissertation. Jesse, being a conscientious cat, decided to produce one anyway:

Thunderwood College

Dissertashun for Doktor of Sciences In Baraminology

A Project Submitted to Chancellor Brian Dunning

Baraminology: Catkind is teh Best Kind And It’s All Kind of Crap

Submitted by Jesse in Parshul Fulfillment of Stuff

February 27, 2011

Dedicashun

i dedicate dis diss to me. O, and also Ceiling Cat i guess.

Acknowledgings

i wish to thank absolutely no one. No one helpded me. i did it all maiself. Tho I did get the inspirations from kent hovind. If he can haz doctorate, I can haz doctorate pls. kthxbai.

Introduckshun

Oh hai, i iz Jesse. I iz a kitteh evangelist. I live in mai house. I haz bin teeching kitteh wisdom to mai kitteh frends Mina an Gavin (aka teh stripey bastard) for a long time. As a evangelist, Ceiling Cat lieks me best an dont even mind wen I makes the misplaced modifiers.

Teh baraminses or kindses iz used to splain how so many critters cud fit on a boat. See, dere waznt a dog an a fox an a wolf an a poodul an a shitzu. Der waz just 2 goggies representing goggy-kind (or maybe it waz 7 or maybe 14). Which is 2 or 7 or 14 too mani.

Teh kitteh-kind eated most of teh udder kinds. Dats y u don’t see mouses or burds or skwirlz or gazelles or deers anymoar.

Table of Contentedness

Dedicashun, Acknowledgings & Introduckshun………………………………………..i

Teh Kitteh Baramin……………………………………………………………………………..1

Teh Udder Baraminses……………………………………………………………………..250

Bibbleleografy…………………………………………………………………………………251

Bibbleleografy

Teh Bibul.

Ceiling Cat. Personal interview.

Then he got tired and decided to take a nap in a box that is too small for him.

I’m sure he’ll get around to the rest of it eventually.

ES

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8 Responses to Dr. Hovind, Meet Dr. Whitey-Cat

  1. Fleegman says:

    That wus ttly awsum! Srsly.

    kthxbai

  2. […] just in… Another incredulous post regarding the animal intelligentsia. For apparently Mr. Whitey-Cat is now of all things… Dr. […]

  3. Pacal says:

    I read Hovind’s “Dissertation” and to use a current cliche expression “the stupid, it burns!”

    “Dr.” Hovind managed to have the flood c. 2400 B.C.E., seeming to forget when the pyramids were built c. 2600 B.C.E., among many other problems. Of course evolution was a Satanic lie inspired by Satan himself in the garden of Eden!? He also “forgets” that their is no evidence for a world wide flood c. 2400 B.C.E. I guess Satan removed the evidence.

    Even a diploma mill giving a diploma for this sort of crap is too much.

    • House Tleilaxu says:

      The evidence of the flood is the Grand Canyon, duh. I’ve lived in the Pacific Northwest, and I can assure you that 40 days of rain consistently creates mile-deep chasms.
      In all seriousness, I’m still trying to figure out what is more ridiculous: the fringe (even by creationist standards) claim that water erupting from the oceans during the flood caused the craters on the moon or that Noah decided to take a world-cruise afterwards and drop off the koalas in Australia, the tapirs in Brazil, and the penguins in Antarctica just for the hell of it.

  4. Bob says:

    It’s stunning, but his dissertation really starts, “Hello, my name is Kent Hovand.” It’s…a staggering farce.

    RJB

  5. Eve says:

    You know, the weird thing is that my dissertation also begins, “Hello, my name is Kent Hovind.” I don’t know what I was thinking.

  6. […] hai. I iz Jesse, also known as Dr. Whitey-Cat, a very educated cat and new contributor to this thingy. Not only does I haz doctorate, I iz expert […]

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