This Week in Conspiracy (16 Sept 2012)

Howdy ho! Wuz out of town this weekend–nipped off to be in the wedding of my bestest bud from grade school. A great time was had by all.

Meanwhile, the Internet burned.

  • Truer words were never spoken by The Onion: “9/11 Truther Convinced Government Destroyed Past 11 Years of His Life.” Yup! THE ONION IS IN ON THE CONSPIRACY!
  • Everyone knew that the repeal of Don’t Ask Don’t Tell would lead to this: “National Guard Partnering With Foreign Troops?
  • This week, Dirk Vander Ploeg came up with conclusive evidence that motherships not only fart orbs, but they also orbit in perfect synch with the ISS. Either that or that the glass is reflecting something on the inside of the space station. This is followed  by a petition to–and it’s hard to say– to keep us from nuking the aliens, I think.
  • I say we declare war on Kansas. HEAR THAT, KANSAS?! “Kansas panel delays ballot decision on Obama: Kobach seeks Democrat’s birth records from Hawaii.”
  • Speaking of 9/11 and OBL conspiracy theories, here’s one that comes from the lofty heights of Pakistani academia.
  • The trailer for The Innocence of Muslims was an excuse for riots and attacks on American diplomats around the Muslim world this week. It’s been out for months and only blew up now and the attacks seems to have been organized. Not the first time that people have been killed by rage-on-delay in that part of the planet. But that didn’t stop conspiracy theorists from INSTANTLY claiming that the movie was “a contrived fraud.”
  • According to Veterans Today, the movie the trailer was supposed to promote never existed. As evidence, the author cites discrepancies in location, actors, time of action, and apparent plot. Of course, someone as steeped in Mystery Science Theater as I am and who just watched all of the Left Behind movies back to back will know that these conventions are often entirely absent in low-budget movies.
  • Is Obama The Prophesied Warrior Coming To Help Islam Conquer The World?” The author of this piece asserts that our embassies were not warned of attacks known to be pending. Unfortunately, they only read the headline of the story they cited. In it, it seems that the embassy in Bangladesh was warned ahead of time, and some of the embassies even underwent preparedness evaluations ahead of the 9/11 anniversary. How a warning in Bangladesh was related to an embassy in Libya, I don’t know.
  • Also, what’s the legal requirement for putting Michelle Bachmann in the nuthouse? I mean, really?
  • So, the conspiracy-theory motivated band HAARP Machine has signed on with, uh, Sumerian Records to release their album, Disclosure, with the single “Pleiadian Keys,” which is incomprehensible. Also, there are some…I think they’re autotuned burps:

Twit of the week:

Luke Rudkowski (@Lukewearechange)
9/13/12 12:57 PM
I recently confronted Henry Kissinger AGAIN he got really pissed, told me to go to hell and called me a sick person lol

You should totally confront Buzz Aldrin, Luke.

Conspiracy Theory of the Week:

If you thought the Illiad was epic, you should see Xavier Remington’s story about Mr. Rogers and his supernatural vampire slaying powers:

Once he acquired his PBS kid’s show, and became famous he saw the world in far different light.  He realized the forces of supernatural evil were very real, and actually physical rather than just metaphysical.  He first encountered such evil when a vampire working for the Illuminati approached him on the PBS set, and tried to recruit him for the indoctrination of kids into the New World Order.  He flatly refused, and the vampire attacked him later that night.  Unfortunately the vampire had no idea who he was dealing with.  Fred dispatched him with extreme prejudice.  However he did not actually kill him for Fred’s powers were so extensive that he didn’t have to resort to death.  He sent the vampire off greatly weakened with a message to his masters to back off.  The Illuminati never bothered Mr.Roger’s again after that.

I mean, holy crap! Mr Rogers had angel DNA.

On that happy note, I leave you to stew in the goof that is conspiracy.

One Response to This Week in Conspiracy (16 Sept 2012)

  1. Pacal says:

    What the hell did Luke confront Henry Kissinger over? Was it Illuminati, Trilateral Commission etc., conspiracy wack a loon shit?

    There are lots of reasons to “confront” Henry Kissinger; for example.

    East Timor,
    Vietnam 1968/69.

    Etc, Etc.

    However I doubt Luke means any of that.

    God! when I’m almost in a position of defending Kissinger I know someone is a kook.

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