Howdy ho! Wuz out of town this weekend–nipped off to be in the wedding of my bestest bud from grade school. A great time was had by all.
Meanwhile, the Internet burned.
- Truer words were never spoken by The Onion: “9/11 Truther Convinced Government Destroyed Past 11 Years of His Life.” Yup! THE ONION IS IN ON THE CONSPIRACY!
- Everyone knew that the repeal of Don’t Ask Don’t Tell would lead to this: “National Guard Partnering With Foreign Troops?“
- This week, Dirk Vander Ploeg came up with conclusive evidence that motherships not only fart orbs, but they also orbit in perfect synch with the ISS. Either that or that the glass is reflecting something on the inside of the space station. This is followed by a change.org petition to–and it’s hard to say– to keep us from nuking the aliens, I think.
- I say we declare war on Kansas. HEAR THAT, KANSAS?! “Kansas panel delays ballot decision on Obama: Kobach seeks Democrat’s birth records from Hawaii.”
- Speaking of 9/11 and OBL conspiracy theories, here’s one that comes from the lofty heights of Pakistani academia.
- The trailer for The Innocence of Muslims was an excuse for riots and attacks on American diplomats around the Muslim world this week. It’s been out for months and only blew up now and the attacks seems to have been organized. Not the first time that people have been killed by rage-on-delay in that part of the planet. But that didn’t stop conspiracy theorists from INSTANTLY claiming that the movie was “a contrived fraud.”
- According to Veterans Today, the movie the trailer was supposed to promote never existed. As evidence, the author cites discrepancies in location, actors, time of action, and apparent plot. Of course, someone as steeped in Mystery Science Theater as I am and who just watched all of the Left Behind movies back to back will know that these conventions are often entirely absent in low-budget movies.
- “Is Obama The Prophesied Warrior Coming To Help Islam Conquer The World?” The author of this piece asserts that our embassies were not warned of attacks known to be pending. Unfortunately, they only read the headline of the story they cited. In it, it seems that the embassy in Bangladesh was warned ahead of time, and some of the embassies even underwent preparedness evaluations ahead of the 9/11 anniversary. How a warning in Bangladesh was related to an embassy in Libya, I don’t know.
- Also, what’s the legal requirement for putting Michelle Bachmann in the nuthouse? I mean, really?
- So, the conspiracy-theory motivated band HAARP Machine has signed on with, uh, Sumerian Records to release their album, Disclosure, with the single “Pleiadian Keys,” which is incomprehensible. Also, there are some…I think they’re autotuned burps:
- Why won’t America take Ahmadinejad’s sunshine away? BECAUSE WE ARE CAUSING A DROUGHT! STILL!
- Federal Jack is again slumming it with a report on Cathy O’Brien, who has claimed for…decades now, I believe, that she was an MK-Ultra sex slave raped by every president under the sun. I want to know how we know that the rape stories weren’t just planted by the CIA? Hm? The CIA has been busy, what with all that sniping and blowing up of Americans in Iraq. Also, they are the Mossad.
- Some group I never heard of identified Ron Paul as one of the most corrupt members of Congress. Besides double billing of travel expenses, he might be guilty of “making false statements, making false claims, and conduct not reflecting credibility on the House,” which of course just means he’s a member of the House. (I think I just channeled Jay Leno. I need to shower.)
- “How do you avoid getting thrown in a FEMA camp?” asks James Smith. Why’d you want to avoid that when you could get thrown into a Hawaiian FEMA camp!?!
- Sovereign Citizen about to have book thrown at her.
- Jerome Corsi is still claiming that Obama is gay.
- Arizona’s planned Birtherpalooza has been cancelled because of staggeringly low ticket sales.
- Rush Limbaugh posits that the Chicago teachers’ strike is really just a ruse so that Obama can come riding in and resolve the problem, thereby winning him the election in November.
- Vigilant Citizen takes an awful video for a horrible…songlike thing…waaay too seriously.
- Popeye solves nothing about Whitney Houston’s death and should probably go in on a timeshare with Vigilant Citizen.
- An interesting look at the LA chemtrail community. Includes a reference to the esteemed movie I never heard of, “9/11 a Physical Education: A P.E. Teacher Shatters the Official Conspiracy Theory“
- UFOs caught scrambling from a possible moon base. Of course, the person who posted the youtube vid said that they were filming the moon last night (Sept 15) and, uh, the moon is new tonight, so it was not gibbous like in the film–unless the youtube was loaded FROM THE FAR SIDE OF THE MOON! So, big fakey. C’mon, fakers! Try harder!
Twit of the week:
You should totally confront Buzz Aldrin, Luke.
Conspiracy Theory of the Week:
If you thought the Illiad was epic, you should see Xavier Remington’s story about Mr. Rogers and his supernatural vampire slaying powers:
Once he acquired his PBS kid’s show, and became famous he saw the world in far different light. He realized the forces of supernatural evil were very real, and actually physical rather than just metaphysical. He first encountered such evil when a vampire working for the Illuminati approached him on the PBS set, and tried to recruit him for the indoctrination of kids into the New World Order. He flatly refused, and the vampire attacked him later that night. Unfortunately the vampire had no idea who he was dealing with. Fred dispatched him with extreme prejudice. However he did not actually kill him for Fred’s powers were so extensive that he didn’t have to resort to death. He sent the vampire off greatly weakened with a message to his masters to back off. The Illuminati never bothered Mr.Roger’s again after that.
I mean, holy crap! Mr Rogers had angel DNA.
On that happy note, I leave you to stew in the goof that is conspiracy.