…And we’re back. I am writing this at a Whole Foods, where I am surrounded by hippies, feeling a little like Cartman.
But not even wafting clouds of caustic patchouli could keep me from rounding up the worst of the web! I’m going to have to keep this one short, however, as I am gearing up for a pretty big job interview. This is the one, people.
- Ah, it’s the end of the world. Again. This time, it’s skyquakes, and should my spell check ever accept that as a word, I shall promptly jump into a canyon. They are caused, sez this dude, by a “destabilizing core,” whatever that is. He might as well say it is caused by trolls. Visit that link only if you want to experience an intricate vacuity.
- From the Most Irritating Man in the World comes, “Nicola Tesla–Superhero!” Stay goofy, my friends.
- Orly Taitz’s subpoena of Obama not summarily thrown out of court, for once. The best coverage begins:
Orly Taitz won a court motion in Georgia this week and, after consulting my ass and the sky, monkeys are not flying out of my butt and pigs still cannot fly.
- From a horrid little site comes, “Did the Jews Kill General Patton?” They somehow, against all odds, managed to fail to arrive at “No.”
- Big week for Patton, it seems. He was also killed by the OSS (precursor to CIA).
- OK, point me to the passage in the Bible that mentions Verichip.
- Newt decides that, what, his wife conspiring with the gay liberal media to publicize his position on family values?
- Yeah, I’m pretty sure this is how NPR gathers news too:
AboveTopSecret @AboveTopSecret 2m Reply Retweet Favorite · Open
Who killed Iran’s nuclear scientist? CIA, Mossed, Britain, Iran? Let
me know RT @ATSRecapBryan - ow.ly/8A37y
- NASA: “Not all triangles are UFOs.”
- The conspiracy to keep Ron Paul from ever winning anything at the national level continues in South Carolina.
- Baby dies of disease she was probably not vaccinated against. BLAME THE VACCINES! There are lots of causes of meningitis, and she was vaccinated against the bacterium, Haemophilus influenzae, which used to be the prime cause. But there are other bacteria that cause meningitis, like, Streptococcus pneumoniae, which now causes most cases of bacterial meningitis. This poor girl’s first diagnosis was “slight chest infection.” By the way, take a gander at this woman’s CV. Her warped view of vaccines has led her to write a book suggesting that baby-shaking baby killers are falsely accused. Wow.
- Oh no! The Illuminati are invading Eastern European pop music! Is nothing too irrelevant?!?
- Shaq reveals he is a Mason:
- The Phobos-Grunt Mars probe gets stuck in low-earth orbit, falls back into the atmosphere, and Russia blames a US radar station?
- Bob Tuskin, whose card I have around here somewhere, makes a classic appeal to false authority with “Dr. King family’s civil trial verdict: US government assassinated Martin.”
- Butt scanners.
- Even when Mike Adams reaches the right conclusion, his reasoning is completely wrong.
- Economic conspiracy theories are dull, but the ones that involve the Euro are moreso. YOU ARE A BORING CURRENCY, EURO! ACCEPT IT!
- I know that China has a history of xenophobia, but did they really need to go to war with the space aliens? (I was trying to think of a “Great Dome of China” joke, but it just wasn’t happening.)
- The advanced civilizations occupying the hollow earth are the greatest secret ever kept!
- Uh-oh! Another flare up of that “McGuire Fire.” I think I have a multi-resistant strain. “Instead of democracy, we will be ruled by a secular humanist or occult elite that are building up a new world order, at lightning speed all around us.” Secular/occult/whatever!
Conspiracy Theory of the Week:
You almost won again again, Exopolitics.com, with “Evidence shows 9/11 false flag operation may have been a hyperdimensional ET event,” but this week’s prize goes to a family that should not have access to video equipment. Or the Internet. Or vinegar:
That’s all for now. I’m now off to have every item of clothing I own pressed and starched.