Howdy. We may be blasting Burzynski mercilessly, but we’re still constantly collecting stories for the week in conspiracy. If you come across any good ones, please let me know!
- Here’s a good one. Scientists decoded a message from the Space Brothers just before 9/11. Using the binary glyphs language that were sent along on the Voyager missions, we received a message that said: “Beware the bearers of FALSE gifts & their BROKEN PROMISES. Much PAIN but still time. BELIEVE. There is GOOD out there. We oppose DECEPTION. Conduit CLOSING.” I like the little “over and out.” Also, WHAT THE HELL KIND OF WARNING IS THAT!?!?! This is an old one, but it just appeared on my radar.
- UN hacked by anti-NWO group. No real information lost.
- New York is basically North Korea.
- “Houston, we have a d-bag.” LaRouchite blights City Hall, calls for Obama’s ouster.
- Vigilant Citizen started taking his meds….actually not really.
- The recent White House shooting highlights the dangers of being president while black.
- ZOMG! Text message proves that UA 175 was in the air after it was supposed to have hit the WTC.
- Are you on this list? If not, you can’t get into the Builderberg meeting! (Also, what nefarious deeds is the CEO of Nestle up to. Coco-y goodness based warfare?)
- I wanted to read this article by David Aaronovich, but money was involved.
- Did Masons bring down Berlusconi? Who cares? He’s gone. Thanks, Masons!
- A guy who goes by the excellent name Country Codger reports that things are about to get nasty.
- The NSA is working on decoding extraterrestrial messages. Hell, they should have just looked up at my first entry. You’re welcome, NSA.
- Richard Hoagland: the John the Baptist of the NWO!
- Eric Jon Phelps is freaking out about the Southern Poverty Law Center. Clearly a Jesuit-run organization.
- The Seal of the District of Columbia is related to Comet Elenin, claims worst newspaper in universe.
- Ron Paul: officially a thumb-sucking raving lunatic. For decades. With a cookbook.
- Ron Paul’s most loyal supporters are fucking scary, by the way. Some are alleging that Obama has a kill-order on Paul. The man’s a political punchline, people. *UPDATE* Veterans Today turns it up to 11, blames the JOOOOOOS!
- 30 years of AIDS conspiracy theories.
- Kim Kardashian’s Masonic wedding. Only one question….WHY?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?
- Uh…Now HAARP can knock out Russian satellites.
Conspiracy Theories of the Week
- Comet Elenin is a Borg cube set to us by Jesus. Sure, Elenin disintegrated several weeks ago, but don’t let that stand in the way of a good conspiracy theory.
- Senate votes to suspend the Constitution! Detentions of citizens immanent! It’s all in S.1867! I’m sure they did not mean that part that reads:
“Nothing in this section shall be construed to affect existing law or authorities, relating to the detention of United States citizens, lawful resident aliens of the United States or any other person who is captured or arrested in the United States.”
That’s all you’re going to get out of me this week. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have some important Mystery Science Theater 3000s to watch.