If the conspiracy theorists are to be trusted, it has been the most momentous week in the entire of global history, just like last week. And the rest of the world didn’t even manage to even notice. Shame on you, entire world.
Onto the news that is news to the rest of us:
- The first news story that was swept under the rug was that the Constitution was annulled, according to nitwit Alex Jones. Hey, stop laughing at me!
- The capitalist pig-swine are making money for providing a service! How JP Morgan profits from your poverty. (Consider how absurd this article is if these people are also scared of big government and government banks.)
- Graduate student steals my schtick. Badly. (I have an article coming out about the dangers of this type of English class when taught by someone who subscribes to the conspiracy theories that they are teaching about. One student put it very well: “There is a point when thinking critically turns into thinking her way.” You just got an A from me, boy-o.)
- Was MK Ultra involved in the Tuscon shooting? Hm???? HMMMM???? Well, probably not.
- UN official Peter Falk (a special reporter for human rights in Palestine) endorsed 9/11 Truther David Ray Griffin’s book. (In a side note, John Bolton, the man who represented the US at the UN, reportedly in a diplomatic capacity, was reported to have said, according to FoxNews: “I think [his beliefs are] fruitcake city, but among many delegations to the U.N. it’s probably the conventional wisdom,” said John Bolton, [who is] known for his straight talk on U.N. hypocrisy. *facepalm*)
- WorldNetDaily rallies around disruptive Birther whackjob.
- MediaMatters reports on WND’s new scandal: Perhaps Obama was sired by (gasp) an “American Black”!
- Or, maybe it doesn’t matter, because some crackpot is saying that Hawaii was not a state when Obama was born.
- An American political scientist gets death threats from Glenn Beck followers for a paper she wrote in the 1960s. (The so-called Cloward-Piven strategy is one way that rotten filthy poor people are supposed to be trying to make things unpleasant for the rich.)
- A runner-up for conspiracy theory headline of the week: “Bill Gates Pledges Allegiance to the Illuminati.” Really? What took him so long?
- Dick Eastman puts the “dick” in “Dick Eastman”: “World China, World Jewry and the Destiny of Common Man.” (An excerpt: “The United States filled with people escaping the feudalism mixed with finance capitalism of Europe and the absolute oriental despotism of Asia was bound to fail against the combined onslaught of Jewry and Jewry’s new docile manpower source, China.” You are completely wretched, dick. God, you’re worse even than Gordon Duff.)
- Alright people. Cover your tender bits. The New World Order is coming for your “vital essence”.
- Nickelodeon is starting a new Illuminati-themed show, “House of Anubis”. This is typical kid-show fare, ever since Disney pioneered mind-control.
- In news that lit up the conspiracy community with excitement and admiration, David Rockefeller was confronted by a loon.
Conspiracy Theory of the Week
Though it is in the spirit of the aflockalypse two weeks ago, this headline has a sort of “Beowulf is an anonymous medieval poem written by Robert Cotton in the 18th century”-quality to it (that’s an actual opening line from a paper Eve once received):
Wow. I mean. Wow.